Saturday, February 28, 2009

Fantastic Four

As franchises go, Fantastic Four is relatively unexplored territory. There are probably good reasons for this: one of the characters is a cigar-chomping piece of rock, three members of the team are related to each other, and one of character's claim to fame is his amazing intellect combined with...wait for it...the power of STRETCHING. Which was pretty funny in the 70s when it was portrayed in cartoons (I can still hear the "stretching" sound like a vacuum played backwards) and is a little creepy today.

Given that comics are the new hot property for movies, it was inevitable that the good 'ole FF have their own film. And thus we have Ioan Gruffud (a less charismatic Jeff Goldblum) as Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic, the delectable Jessica Alba as Sue Storm/The Invisible Woman, gruff Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm/The Thing, and Chris Evans as the wisecracking pretty boy Johnny Storm/The Human Torch. Our heroic crew assembles in privately funded mission into space to explore...cosmic space gas. Only something goes terribly awry and the mutagenic mist transforms the four astronauts into super powered freaks.

The inherent silliness of the plot and characters has been spoofed so many times that it's difficult for the actual Fantastic Four to keep up. We've all seen the family squabbles of the Incredibles. But perhaps the most caustic send-up is The Venture Bros., who deftly skewers the FF by casting Reed as an outdated 50s stereotype, Sue as a liberated housewife, and The Thing as a mentally deficient monster.

Perhaps FF can be forgiven for its lack of focus as it tries to walk the tightrope between being superhero silly and deadly serious. Reed's romance with Sue is in its early stages here, complicated by a rival, Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon)...

You! You in the back with the funny haircut! Stop laughing! That's the man's name, all right? It has nothing to do with his tendency for evil! Or fancy alliteration. Or that he happens to be a native of some country you've never heard of...that happens to send him a mask...that he just happens to wear...

Fine. Fine, yes, this is all a little ridiculous. But there's angst! Poor Grimm suffers as he struggles with his identity and his hot wife dumps him (while wearing a negligee in the middle of the street, of course). Will Reed propose to Sue, or will she stick with Doom? Will Johnny ever stop being such a card? Will Sue ever discover how to turn invisible without taking off her clothes? (!)

And so FF stumbles over itself in an attempt to be both true to the comic book's origins and cram in a plot that's really five stories into one film. Ben Grimm's angst as the unpleasant-looking Thing is diminished by a device that "cures" him. A device that didn't work without Doom's special powers, but mysteriously works in reverse without explanation. Alba is too sexy for the role; it's hard to believe the wooden Richards could romance her or that she'd find the stilted Von Doom any more attractive. And Richards' serious scientific efforts are undermined that he's basically a big inflatable balloon. In fact, much of the fight scenes in this movie involve members of the FF battling each other.

The special effects do a good job of displaying the heroes' powers, but The Thing simply looks like a guy in rubber foam. Chiklis is big, but he's not a huge man, and the film sometimes remember he's heavy and cumbersome (complete with thudding footfalls and exploding chairs) and then forgets when it's inconvenient (because a wooden bench can surely handle his massive weight, right?).

I think a lot of fans are just happy this film isn't the first attempt (that never saw the light of day but lives on in bootlegs). For my FF fix, I prefer the animated version, which manages to be both hilarious and action-packed while poking fun at the utter ridiculousness of a super-science team consisting of a talking rock, a rubber band man, an invisible woman, and a real flamer.

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